


Unarticulated

by cute_nerds



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Awkward Crush, M/M, Tiny mention of social anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 11:11:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9232310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cute_nerds/pseuds/cute_nerds
Summary: Hakyeon imagines how to talk to Taekwoon, sometimes, but the words never seem to come as easily in reality.





	

_“So,” Jaehwan says, after they’ve been sitting next to each other for a while, “When are you going to ask Taekwoon out?”_

_Hakyeon takes a moment, before looking up from his flash cards, raising one eyebrow in a perfect, sardonic arch. “I have two speeds,” he deadpans, “Sarcastic and socially awkward. I don’t think either of those are good for flirting.”_

_Jaehwan snorts and shakes his head, drawing a line through the essay that’s in front of him. “I don’t think it matters,” he says kindly, looking over Hakyeon’s head and waving to someone. “After all, he certainly thinks you’re cute.”_

_Hakyeon wants to say “He does?”, wants to turn around and see that the person approaching is Taekwoon – but by then, he’s opened his eyes._

 

*

 

Hakyeon has a crush.

His name is Taekwoon, and he’s the most gorgeous creature ever to walk the planet – Hakyeon swears. Taekwoon is the kind of tall, lanky creature that others might describe as nerdy or intellectual, but the face behind the glasses (and the muscles hiding under his clothes) are contradictions to that assumption. He’s got beautiful eyes and a lovely smile and his voice gives Hakyeon involuntary shivers when he hears it, and every time Hakyeon looks at him he thinks without hesitation, _you’re so pretty_.

It doesn’t help that Taekwoon is in at least three of his classes and all of his lab sections; that Hakyeon has to pass him on the way out of class every time and when their eyes meet Hakyeon’s breath catches in his throat. Hakyeon knows his name and he’s pretty sure Taekwoon knows his, the way those in a small faculty do, but they’ve never spoken – or maybe they have, but it was probably “do you have the data for the lab” or “is the professor late?”, or just general conversation to a group at large.

So Hakyeon has a crush, but it’s unarticulated, unfounded and unexpressed, because although he thinks Taekwoon is perfect, he doesn’t know how to tell him so.

 

*

 

_“Hi,”_ _Hakyeon says, shifting nervously in place. It’s the end of class, and everyone’s packing up to go, but somehow Hakeyon has found the courage to walk over to Taekwoon, who looks up at him with an encouraging smile._

_“Hey,” he replies, tucking his notebooks into his bag. Hakyeon shifts, nervously. “What’s up?”_

_Hakyeon ignores the fact that he’s pretty sure Taekwoon would never use that phrase and soldiers on._

_“I just wanted to tell you, that, um-“ Hakyeon stutters out, looking at Taekwoon’s hands rather than his face – “You’re absolutely gorgeous. That’s all. I thought you should know,” he finishes lamely, and wonders why he can’t be more confident, even in his own head._

_Taekwoon, of course, doesn’t seem to mind, and he smiles, murmuring a “Hey,” to get Hakyeon to look up._

_“Thank you,” Taekwoon says, but before he can maybe suggest that he and Hakyeon go and get coffee, Hakyeon opens his eyes._

 

*

 

Today, Taekwoon sits next to him at the lab bench, and Hakyeon is simultaneously pleased and terrified, because he never knows what to say or how to act. He’s not sure what, exactly, the qualifiers for social anxiety are, but if they’re feeling like he’s going to throw up or pass out when the pressure is on, if it’s your heart beating out of your palms and your legs feeling unsteady, then that’s what Hakyeon has. Traversing the greater world of conversation is terrifying enough when you aren’t speaking to someone you think is cute, but when the person in question is someone you keep looking at and thinking _I want to feel those hands on my waist_ or _they’re absolutely gorgeous_ , it’s petrifying.

He glances Taekwoon’s way (as he always does), hoping that something will happen, and Taekwoon’s eyes are measured on his face (as they always are), making Hakyeon shift nervously in place. The moment passes, though (as it always does) and Taekwoon turns to Hongbin on his other side and starts to chat, leaving Hakyeon (as always) by himself.

 

*

 

_Taekwoon sits next to him at the lab bench, and Hakyeon knows exactly what to say._

_“Hi,” he greets, with a casual, sideways smile, the one that looks amazing in the mirror. And Taekwoon turns to him with a beam and says “Hey,” tilting his head and adding, “Hakyeon, right?”_

_Hakyeon’s heart has expanded in his chest, and he nods. “That’s me.” He pauses, eyes drifting over Taekwoon face (so perfect, but a little fuzzy at the edges – maybe it’s because Taekwoon has never smiled like this at him before), and clears his throat. “D’you want to be partners for the lab?”_

_And Taekwoon smiles, and scoots closer, and Hakyeon feels like he could fly… but before Taekwoon gives him an answer, Hakyeon is jostled by a passer-by, and opens his eyes._

 

*

 

Hakyeon orbits Taekwoon like a moon, always on the edges of his life but never quite in it, tugging on Taekwoon’s gravity only lightly, only enough to be worth a glance. Taekwoon is certainly _aware_ that Hakyeon is around, because they are always meeting eyes – before class, during class, whenever they pass each other by – but it doesn’t seem to be worth anything to anyone but Hakyeon. He has to remind himself that Taekwoon is not his and probably never will be time and time again.

What he wants to say – his head is packed full of it. He wants to tell Taekwoon that he’s gorgeous. He wants to pull him into a kiss. He wonders if Taekwoon’s friends have noticed Hakyeon, if they joke about the boy who’s always looking at Taekwoon, and if maybe one day they’ll come along and confide in Hakyeon that Taekwoon likes him too. He wishes that Taekwoon would strike up a conversation.

He knows that none of these things are real.

But Hakyeon is too nervous to say anything, too positive that the result will be as awkward as he can possibly anticipate, and so he remains orbiting on the edge of Taekwoon’s periphery, doing nothing more than looking and wishing.

 

*

 

_“Do you mind if I sit here?” comes a voice from above, coupled with a light tap on Hakyeon’s shoulder. He feels butterflies erupt from the spot._

_“Of course not, go ahead,” he replies, gesturing to the desk next to him, and Taekwoon nods, pulling his notes out of his bag._

_Hakyeon looks to his side, feels the familiar heat in his cheeks, the pressure in his palms, and –_

_And-_

Opens his eyes in frustration, because the wishing isn’t helping, and if anything it’s making it worse.

 

*

 

The term winds down to its inevitable conclusion, and Hakyeon should be too busy stressing over his finals to have any energy to think of Taekwoon, but of course he does. Every time he hits the limits of his endurance, Hakyeon muses darkly over his fifth cup of tea (not coffee; he’s saving coffee for grad school) he discovers a new extension to his misery.

Case in point: Taekwoon sitting next to him in the study hall, while Hakyeon is so immersed in his multicoloured notes that he almost doesn’t notice Taekwoon until he looks up to stretch and freezes, neck cocked at an odd angle, with his eyes locked on Taekwoon. At this point, Hakyeon thinks, resisting the urge to slam his head on his desk, Taekwoon probably thinks that he’s a little _odd_ , if anything. Not attractive, certainly, not interesting.

Because there is no way that, in reality, Taekwoon looks up to see Hakyeon rolling his neck and smiles in sympathy; there is no way that Taekwoon glances at Hakyeon’s notes and remarks, quietly, “Biomechanics, hey?”. This is reality, and not Hakyeon’s head, and he stares for a moment before he realizes this and his hands drop onto the table with a conspicuous _thud_.

“Yeah,” Hakyeon manages to reply, and Taekwoon nods, companionably. “Did you understand the part about cartilage at all?” he asks, and Hakyeon sees it, sees every time that he’s wanted to say or tried to say or imagined saying something to Taekwoon vanish in a moment as Taekwoon smiles tentatively in his direction. He says “Sort of,” leans in to point at a graph, and that action should not feel so _easy_ , so much like flying, but oh, it _does_.

 

***

**Author's Note:**

> Neo ♥
> 
> Tumblr [here!](http://cutenerds.tumblr.com)


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